What If I Only Thought About It?
As some of the children in our parish prepare themselves for this significant moment, we can use this opportunity to further reflect on this mystery that is Holy Confession.
Read last week’s article: I Don’t Know What to Say at Confession… Short Answer? It depends
As it so often is, answers within the Orthodox Church are ‘well, yes and no.’
The obvious answer is ‘no,’ it does not count if you did not act on the tempting thought. We can be plagued by tempting thoughts all day long (and those ‘suggestions’ are not necessarily from us but of the devil) but not acting on them is the right thing to do, it is good. We don’t lie, steal, kill, commit adultery, hurt others and that is good. But is that at all? The devil would like us to think so.
Here is an excerpt of the book One Flesh: Salvation Through Marriage in the Orthodox Church (2013) by Canadian Orthodox priest, Fr. Lawrence Farley, which explores how Jesus Christ changed aspects of the Old Testament, clarifying the meaning of breaking the 10 Commandments by explaining what “acting” means:
“The [Jewish] Law said, “You shall not murder,” and the Pharisees asserted that external compliance with this commandment was all God required. Christ said that, on the contrary, this commandment was not just concerned with outward murder but with eliminating murder in the heart as well. If one cherished murderous rage within one’s heart, one thereby broke this commandment. The prohibition against murder was originally intended by God to seep all the way down into the inner recesses, into the inner motivations and wellsprings of action, and to soften the heart. If one were restrained from murdering one’s neighbour only because one knew one would be caught and punished, this was not enough…”
Fr. Farley further explores the ramifications of this in terms of lust and adultery, sharing:
“If one “looks at a woman [or man] to lust for her”— that is, if one has already given one’s inner consent to the adultery and is only dissuaded by outer unfavourable circumstances from fulfilling this desire—then one has already broken the commandment against adultery. The commandment is obeyed or broken primarily “in the heart.”
If we, therefore, engage the tempting suggestion when it flies into our head—wondering what it would be like, if we would get caught, if it is worth it…—it is as if we have already sinned. And so this too is something we can bring with us to confession, and ask for guidance and absolution.
6 Stages of Temptation
Being faced by temptations on such a regular basis, it is useful to know how the devil expects us to continue after the temptation so as to recognize and anticipate our own reactions. The site Orthodox Steve offers an excellent summary of the stages below including what you can do to protect yourself from temptations.
The spiritual tradition of the Church teaches that there are six stages of temptation: (1) provocation, (2) momentary disturbance of the intellect, (3) coupling, (4) assent, (5) prepossession, and (6) passion.
Provocation occurs when one receives the initial suggestion to sin. This is the first stage of temptation. This suggestion to sin may come from people or from demons. In The Shepherd, an angel tells St. Hermas that everyone has two angels assigned to him or her. One angel encourages one to do good and the other one encourages one to sin. (The Shepherd, Commandment VI) One can avoid the other stages of temptation by rejecting sin immediately after one receives the initial suggestion to sin.
If one is continually assaulted with the suggestion to sin, one should start making the sign of the Cross. This is a physical act of prayer that the demons strongly dislike. One can also start praying the Jesus prayer. This is a very simple, short prayer based on the publican's prayer in St. Luke's Gospel. (St. Luke 18:13) It is: "O Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." The continual repetition of this prayer and the sign of the Cross will drive the demons away.
If the temptation is coming from people, then one must know how to respond to those who want to lure one into sin. The Jesus prayer, the sign of the Cross, and calling on the assistance of the Mother of God and the Saints might be necessary depending on how one is being tempted by others to sin. Openly confessing one's allegiance to Christ may also be necessary and might discourage others from trying to get one to sin. Jesus said, "Whosoever therefore shall confess Me before men, him will I confess also before My Father which is in Heaven. But whosoever shall deny Me before men, him will I also deny before My Father which is in Heaven." (St. Matt. 10:32,33) In such a situation one is confronted with two choices: to openly confess one's allegiance to Christ or to deny Christ and participate in the sins others seek to involve one in. One choice is a step towards eternal life and the other is a step towards eternal damnation. (St. John 5:29) If one fears God, one will, of course, make the right choice.
In the Bible, there are several admonitions to abstain from the company of people who want to drag one into sin. (Prov. 1:10-19; II Cor. 6:14-18) We must associate with all kinds of people in this world, but it is not necessary that we adopt the interests and lifestyles of everyone. If someone wants you to go to a place where sinful activity is going on, all you have to say is no. If they ask why, you can start talking about your relationship with God and your quest for eternal life in His Kingdom.The next stage of temptation is momentary disturbance of the intellect. At this stage, one has a thought to sin. The concept of sin is in one's mind. If one continues to dwell on this idea of committing sin, then one advances to the next stage of temptation, coupling. If one replaces the thought of sin with holy thoughts, then one avoids advancing to the next stage of temptation.
Prayer, fasting, and other ascetical labors are necessary to combat temptations when they have advanced beyond the first stage.Coupling is the third stage of temptation. When one reaches this stage of temptation, one has already committed sin in one's heart. Coupling involves playing with the idea of committing sin, thinking about doing it and even thinking about how one will do it and possibly even avoid being caught doing it.
The fourth stage of temptation is assent. At this stage, one makes a mental decision to commit a sin.
The fifth stage is prepossession. One arrives at this stage when one has repeatedly committed a particular sin over and over again in the past. The sin becomes a habit.
One must exercise much effort to resist such sins when one has reached the fifth stage of temptation. Fasting, prayer, reading the Bible and other holy books, practicing the remembrance of death, and other ascetical practices are necessary to defeat a prepossession.If one does not fight vigorously against a prepossession, then one will advance to the sixth stage of temptation, passion. At this stage, a particular sin dominates one's life to such an extent that one not only commits a sin by habit, but is overly preoccupied with the practice of that sin.
It is very difficult to defeat a passion. One must fast, pray, and try to continually weaken the tendency to commit such sins that have become passions. It takes a lot of help from God and a lot of asceticism in order to gain the victory in such cases.
To Remember before Confessing
The devil does not want us to confess. He/she/it would say - “I haven’t done anything wrong, why should I embarrass myself and share my less-than-proud moments or personal weaknesses?”
But we know that secrets (even if God knows all) drive a wedge between people in relationships. The same applies to our relationship with God.
Confessing our sins to God (even in front of a priest) is NOT meant to humiliate or shame us.
Please remember that whatever is said in Confession remains there. Neither the Priest nor the confessee can or should repeat anything after the prayer of the Absolution. And when the prayer of Absolution is recited, let the burden of sin be lifted off your shoulders and forgive yourself and let-go of your mistakes.
So therefore express the sins which are suppressed in your heart and soul. Confess your sins and prepare yourself for Holy Communion, for prayer and for spiritual renewal and joy.
Read More
To learn more about the 6 stages of temptation, listen or read the transcript of the podcast episode: The 6 Stages of Temptation: Acquiring the Mind of the Church. Here is also a short Orthodox reflection on the meaning of the 10 Commandments. Here is a book: Do This and You Shall Live: An Exposition of the Ten Commandments for the 21st Century by Fr. Josiah Trenham explaining the 10 Commandments more thoroughly.